My Blog

College is a lot different from high school. It seems like this is the first stage of the rest of my life. Basically, this is the preparation for my future that lies ahead. Before I enter college, I knew that I have been changing. But now I have realized that I have been changing and evolving more tremendously than before. And I know that college has great impact or influence on those changes. Dramatic changes, sometimes, could be overwhelming, but if we just know how to deal, accept and adjust with, we will look at it as the product of positive things in our lives. When I started my first semester, I was nervous and a bit skeptical about entering college at that time because I had learned that most of the students here are older and more mature than I am. It was intimidating, and it bothered me. I first thought that I wouldn’t keep up with these folks owing to the fact that they are older and have more experience than I have, and in high school, I was used to be with the students of my age. Consequently, I have had sort of a bit odd feeling. Then, I told myself that I should get at least passing grades in all my courses. However, when the results of my first exams came out, I was surprised to know that I got incredible grades. Now, I’m not only aiming for the passing grades, but for the great ones as well. It changed the way I view myself. I’ve realized that if I am motivated, confident, committed and willingly submit myself to learn, I would not fall behind. It made my self-esteem much stronger. The most important change that have happened to me during this semester is that I become more accepting toward the diversity around me. Being new and foreign to this environment is taking me a lot of hard work to adjust, though it is teaching me a very good lesson: for me to understand other people and receive benefits of knowing them I should have an open eyes, an open mind, and an open heart. I need to think "outside of the box", and label and look at each person as an individual, not as a race nor religion. I understand more how to comprehend a thing before I judge or criticize, and how to think and deliberate before I react. This is how I’ve changed. Still, I’ve got a whole bunch of things to learn, and I know that change would interact as I work toward and build my best self.

No matter how many years I’ve been through this my stomach still turns; first day of school always elicits both jitters and joy from me. I had been in a very long vacation. My summer break seemed to had last for eight months. I have had no social life for that span of time. I spent those days reading books, watching tv, doing chores, browsing the net and studying for the entrance exam. I had almost forgotten the feeling of student’s life. Freedom is great, wonderful and amazing, especially if it is a freedom from doing school work. Having that kind of liberty, however, doesn’t always give me the excitement I can get from school. In fact, it yields boredom in one way or another. Well, now I’m starting my first year in college. I couldn’t deny that I dreaded the first day of class. It wasn’t because of the fear that something dangerous would happen, but the fear of not knowing what to expect, the anxiety of not being accepted or couldn’t blend in, and the apprehension of the things that might happen which I couldn’t work out with. The first day came. I entered the room. The sight of the other students was very daunting. Some of them looked smart, others were calm, and few looked a little like me - nervous, shy and excited. There were only eleven students - including me - in that class. A very small group of people. The class started, and would be over after four hours. Of course, in the first day of class, students were required to know each other, so the instructor asked us to introduce ourselves one by one in front of the class. She gave us 4 minutes apiece, then we were all like: "WHAT?". It was too long, we all thought. I was really lucky that I wasn’t the first one. I still got time to think and gather data and facts about myself. My name was called. I stood up and was hoping my knees wouldn’t give way. I was shaking and trembling a bit. It was hard to walk due to my legs were starting to wobble as though for that moment it was made of jelly. I opened my mouth and started to speak, but my voice was hoarse so I cleared my throat and started again. At the end of my turn, I sighed and felt very relieved that I made it okay. It wasn’t great but I believed that I made my speech interesting and entertaining - there was a part in which they laughed at on what I had said, it wasn’t because they wanted to make fun of me, but because they found it funny. At the end of the last person’s speech, I learned so many things about my classmates. I discovered that I was the only minor in our class, everybody else’s 18 and over. There were students who already have children. I found out that most of us desire to be in health business - nurses, doctors and surgeons. Talking in front of people you didn’t know was not an easy job. It was difficult to keep the flow of the conversation or whatever you’re talking about. It was like you know what you’ve got to say, but then when you started to open your mouth you suddenly didn’t know how to say it. Owing to the fact that there were only twelve people in the room, it was not hard to get attention, appreciation and applause. My first day wasn’t bad. It was less intimidating than it appeared to be. My first day of class was also my first day of riding in a public bus alone. It was scary but exciting at the same time. The only problem is I have to wait for 15 - 30 minutes for some buses and not to mention the icy air.

It didn’t matter whether I looked cool or fool. What mattered was I became myself, my true self, didn’t feign or anything. I just hope I become more fluent in English and………. taller. Nobody knows what it will do to my confidence but me.